Disrespect my Authority

HEY PORT AUTHORITY OF ALLEGHENY COUNTY, thanks a million for hiking up rider fees and transfer costs these past two years only to propose the most significant cuts to your service routes in nearly 60 years. You're cutting T and bus services by 35%?!?! What in God's name is WRONG with you? Yes, selfishly I hate you more than anything in the world because you're cutting my two lines to get to work forcing me to take a shady bus that is already full to standing room only by my stop (28 stops away from the city, mind you)... but you're cutting lines to places like Oakland, Squirrel Hill, Lawrenceville and more.  You're also proposing jumping the "less used routes" to $4 per one-way trip? That completely negates the entire purpose of utilizing public transportation.  People are going to start driving and parking in Station Square for $5 where you won't see a dime of that money.  A bit counter-productive, don't you think?  Keep talking, Ravenstahl, about how badly you want to bring people in to the city to work, live and play.  Then tax those of us who work within city limits and charge us more to take the bus.  Now I know, it isn't you who's behind this PAT nonsense. Steve Bland, you jackass. Quit blaming the government for not granting you millions of dollars to fix your debt problem.  We're already paying $80/month -- which is more expensive than any other far more efficient public transportation system in the country -- doesn't that cover some of your shenanigans? You're also paying your bus drivers (who have no education past high school) over $130K WITH PENSION PLANS. It's not the government's fault you piece of crap it's yours.  Do you dig your hole with a gilded shovel?  Your inadequacy, stupidity and lack of responsibility really steams my clams.

Not Too Snappy...

HEY SNAPFISH, when I pay $6.74 extra for a 2 day shipment I expect it at my door in 2 days. I don't expect an e-mail in 2 days telling me the shipment will be at my door in 2 more days.  My entire total for my order was less than $2. I paid three times as much for quick shipping....and you're not even doing that. Your inadequacy really steams my clams.

A follow up:  HEY SNAPFISH, your customer service blows.

Throw out the trash

HEY CITY OF PITTSBURGH DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC WORKS, I do, in fact, pay my taxes. That means you should, in fact, take my trash when I set it out on my curb. Sure, my bag of dirt was heavy 3 weeks ago. But last week I separated it in to two doubled bags for you and this week I even put it in a trash can to make it easier to lift up. YOU LEFT IT THREE TIMES NOW. Tell me, please, how can I make this easier for YOU to handle.  I'm 140 pounds and while it is still heavy, I can lift it. You took a stove from me weeks ago, WHY CAN'T YOU TAKE A BAG OF DIRT!?  And your customer service lady who tells me you are "garbage collectors, not dirt collectors" and who insists on interrupting me and telling me stupid obvious things like "putting it in a can only makes it heavier, ma'am" is the worst. Who hired her?! Put yourselves on the curb. Your ignorance and disrespect steams my clams.

Crackberry

HEY RIM/BLACKBERRY, how dare you call yourself a "smart phone" when you can't even let me sign in to Facebook twice in one week without shutting down on me altogether. And what is this white screen/hourglass bullshit? And why in God's name did all of my contacts disappear?  AND WHERE ARE MY PHOTOS?! Your stupid phone really steams my clams!

MedSUXpress

HEY MEDEXPRESS, making me wait in the waiting room for 25 minutes, followed by a wait in the actual appointment room for 50 minutes is NOT OK.  Just because the doctor only spend 8 minutes with me does not qualify it as "express."  Thanks for making me late to my big meeting. Your misleading company name really steams my clams.

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

HEY E-Z RENTACAR, when you claim  your rentals are $16 and I rent one for two days, elementary math tells me that's gonna come out to $32!  Now, I wasn't born yesterday.  I know $16 does not include "service fees" and "insurance fees" and "someone famous may have driven this car so we have to bump up your fee" fees. I knew it was going to be more slightly expensive. But when I get there, you tell me the car you reserved for me isn't ready but you're switching it out, I ask how much it's going to cost me and you ensure me "nothing extra at all" I EXPECT NOT TO PAY ANYTHING EXTRA AT ALL.  You're ridiculous $217.41 charge for 2 days worth of renting a $16/day car REALLY steams my clams!




**Update:  the large charge wound up being a mistake and an additional mileage charge (which I'd opted out of by filling up the gas tank upon returning the car).  They removed both charges after a very nasty e-mail from yours truly without much argument -- but still. I shouldn't have that charged on my card in the first place. It steamed my clams.

The Credit Card Shuffel

HEY BANK OF AMERICA,  next time you plan on transferring $4,000 from one of my credit cards to yours, give me a heads up! Sure I applied for your card hoping to use it for a transfer someday -- but I also applied to college too. They didn't send me my first tuition bill before I accepted, charge me a $150 acceptance fee and neglect to tell me about it. Your banking system and horrendous customer service steams my clams.

The Whole Thing Really Steams my Clams

steams·my·clams
Pronunciation: \ˌsteems-mi-clay-ams\

Function: exclamation 

Etymology: who the hell knows? 

Date: who the hell cares?

1 : a statement expressing the essential nature of being perturbed by an act, event, person or thought. 

2 : the action or the power of describing, explaining, or making definite and clear that the object or action being described is less than desirable to the describer 

3 : the action or process of clam steaming

So hi. I'm Red. And there are certainly things in this world that make me happy -- elated if you will.  I enjoy many things: puppies, pay raises, the rare sighting of a hot guy at Sandcastle amongst a sea of oversized women in tankinis... Don't get me wrong, I am by no means a predominantly negative person.  In fact, by some miracle of nature, I have morphed in to something of an optimist in these past few months. I suppose I have my new job and the indelible patience of my boyfriend to thank for that (God bless you Pid, my love). But one thing that may never change about me is my innate ability to rant.


Mama Red says I shoulda been a lawyer.  To be honest, I probably would have kicked ass as a lawyer. But the thought of that much more schooling was too much for me and the size of those books gave me nightmares.  (What? I never claimed to be a motivated optimist.)  So my suitable solution is to, rather than argue with witnesses, judges and juries, simply bitch to you people.  I'll keep it brief, and I'd love it if you'd submit your laments to me as well so I can post them.

I have been thinking about doing this for a while -- updating the world on horrendous (or, in some cases, simply inconvenient) experiences that I have in the world.  Rather than bore you with "This one time at band camp" stories, I plan to focus my attention on relatable isntances. 

For example -- had I started this blog 2 months ago I would have posted about Burger King's irrational breakfast price hike at my local restaurant.  HEY BK,  forcing me to pay the same amount for a drink, croissantwich and hashbrown as I do for a Whopper, fries and a drink is NOT what I would call "having it my way." Your price hike steams my clams.

Or, had I been blogging two weeks ago I would have bitched incessantly about Pep Boys general lack of know-how, care or respect in living up to their posted promises OR advertised expertise.  HEY PEP BOYS, when the sign says "drop off after 7, guaranteed to be done the next day," I expect it to be true! Just because your customer service people are illiterate doesn't mean your customers are. We want what we read. FINISH MY DAMN CAR.  Oh, and also... remember how you told me nothing was wrong and my car must have smelled like gas inside because "I just filled it up"?  Well turned out I ACTUALLY needed a new fuel injector. YOU KNOW NOTHING.And it steams my clams.

These are the types of things I'm going to rant about.  It will be my hope that enough of you begin to follow my blog and have fair warning about these issues so that you can do a bit of legitimate research prior to investing your time and money in places that may waste both.


So off we go!